Hey everybody, how y’all doing?? Everybody good?? I hope so!! So I know it’s been a few months since I’ve blogged and even before then I had been skipping weeks. I could give y’all a million and 1 reasons why but let me just be honest, my heart wasn’t in it as it should have been. I wasn’t devoting 100% of myself to you guys. And as loyal followers and readers, you deserve 100% of me at all times.

When I started Young, Black and Beautiful last year, it was because I needed an outlet. I had just turned 29,  my relationship was on a downward spiral, and I honestly felt like I wasn’t contributing anything to the universe. I was complacent with life, all I did was work and go home and occasionally travel. I needed to do something else with my life and fast. After throwing around ideas in my head and talking to a good friend of mine (s/o to Corey lol) I decided to do something that I had been wanting to do for awhile but didn’t quite know how to do it. I’ve always wanted to be a voice to the voiceless, to give hope to others who may not have any hope for themselves, to speak on issues that affect my other sisters but they may be too shy or afraid to speak on them themselves. I wanted to do these things because I was that voiceless, hopeless, shy sister at some point in my life and all I wanted was to know that there was someone out there who could relate to me with no judgment.

Young, Black and Beautiful is my baby. It’s my dream and when I do blog and contribute, I try to give it my all. Let me be really transparent for a moment. At 1st I fell back because of the numbers. I have a few followers and they are extremely loyal and I will forever be grateful to them and appreciative for that because most of them don’t even know me, they read YBB because of word of mouth from some of my very good friends. But selfish me didn’t see the bigger picture that having a few loyal followers and really helping them was better than not doing anything at all. I wanted ALL the followers. I wanted YBB and my name out there lol. I wanted YBB to be THAT blog that EVERYONE just had to know about. And yes, I still want all of that and more for my baby BUT I also want YBB to help inspire, encourage, and enlighten someone. So because I was in my feelings and unhappy with the numbers, I couldn’t be truly passionate about what I was doing and I stopped. Sometimes we get in out own way. Sometimes we can’t reach our goals because we want everyone else to cheer for us but yet we aren’t cheering for ourselves.

So I apologize. I apologize to my loyal followers who have been there since post 1. Without you all, YBB wouldn’t even exist. Thank you for believing in me when I haven’t even had the knowledge and strength to believe in myself. I apologize to those who have encouraged and believed in my dream, who nurtured me and fed me wisdom when I was too stubborn and hard headed to keep going. Thank you for seeing something in me that I could not even see in myself.  And finally, I apologize to myself. So many times I have fought against my destiny, fought against my hopes and dreams for myself,  treated myself like I didn’t deserve the best of everything. I thank God everyday for waking me up and not only opening my eyes to see another day, but for opening my eyes to see my worth in this world and the knowledge to know that I can have anything I want as long as I believe in myself.

My vow to you now is that I can’t stop, won’t stop. Not only is YBB for you all, my followers, it’s for me too. There is an old belief that a new baby comes into your life to replace a family member who has passed on and to restore joy back to the family. YBB and you all came into my life to replace the hopelessness and complicity that I has feeling, the feeling of loneliness and of being lost. My baby has bought me the feeling of joy and fulfilled the need to do something great in this world. Never again will I stand in my own way and I hope that someone out there reads this and gets out of their own way also. The world needs to hear my voice, but they need to hear yours also. Whatever dream you feel like you can’t do….DO IT. Whatever goal you have set for yourself and feel like you can’t accomplish it….REACH IT. You got this, you got me to help you. I got this and I have you all to help me. Young, Black and Beautiful is back and we ain’t going nowhere. 2019 will be our year to reach higher heights and accomplish greater things together. I will not let US fail.

Woooo chillay, that 1 took a lot out of me!! Y’all don’t know how hard I have been beating myself up for being selfish towards you guys. I’ve missed blogging, I’ve missed reading your comments and most of all, I’ve missed the feeling of knowing that I may be helping someone. I can’t promise y’all every week because sometimes life does happen but I can promise you all that I am here, I am active and you will be hearing from me a lot more.

Happy Black History Month!! Yes we are black and proud 365 days a year but for these 28 days, we are SUPER black and proud lol. Black Boy Joy and Black Girl Magic are EVERYTHING!! So be true to yourself, be true to our culture, be true to who we are. We truly are our ancestors wildest dreams.  Also, February is National Heart Health Month. Ladies, heart disease is 1 of the leading causes of death among women, especially us sisters. We all know diet and exercise can decrease your risk for heart disease but so can early prevention. Heart disease is a silent killer so please go visit your doctors regularly and let’s keep ourselves active and healthy.

That’s it for me today loves!! I hope that is has helped inspire, encourage and enlighten someone to keep on pushing. I love to hear from y’all so please share, comment, and interact with me sometimes. I love you with all my heart and then some lol. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses…..XOXOXOXO

Tiara B.

Hey Yall and Happy Wednesday!! I  know it’s been a few weeks but I’m here now and I have something to say…well actually I have 2 things to say lol.

So we all know that the holiday season is upon us which means that Thanksgiving and Christmas or Kwanza or Hanukkah are right around the corner. It also means that  holiday/ seasonal depression are here as well. YES, holiday/ seasonal depression is very REAL. There is a large amount of people who suffer from it and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I admit, I’m not the biggest fan of the holidays myself. Yes, I enjoy eating Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners (who doesn’t) with my family, but there is also a part of me who gets down and out during this season as well. The time change always throws me off and for some reason Christmas just isn’t as fun as it used to be when I was a kid. I love to Christmas shop, especially Thanksgiving night and Black Friday because I’m a sucker for a good sale but that’s probably the only thing I look forward to now. The last 2 years I’ve spent Christmas Eve in my pjs with my best friend and her family. And while I love being with her family because they are just like my family too, it does make me feel some type of way. I often wish that my mom was still here and that my sisters and brothers and I had grown up around each other. Even seeing my cousins and their families is a little hard sometimes but it’s something that I’ve learned to cope with and get through in my own way. There is nothing wrong with you for the feelings that you have, but during this time of year when it may be a bit more deep, surround yourself with people and things that you love and enjoy. Go see a Christmas light display, go ice skating, go to the mall and get lost in the crowd, go to a Christmas party. Go volunteer and feed the less fortunate or bring some joy to the kids. Just get out and enjoy yourself. Don’t sit around and let those feelings eat at you. Go enjoy the holidays and make yourself some new traditions.

1 of my best friends lost his mom this past Friday and while I was searching my brain and asking God to give me the words to comfort and encourage him, I began to think….death has been all around me this past year. It started with losing a very close friend in October 2017 and its been 1 person after another since then. There have been family members that I never expected to say good-bye to, friends and friends family members, classmates from college and now even 1 from high school. When my friend called me the other morning at 2:40am and said his mom was critical, I felt awful, like there was nothing I could do being an hour away except pray. As I talked to him while he was on his way to the hospital, I also began to pray for his strength. After he told me that his mom had passed, I began to pray for his comfort and peace. But I also began to GIVE THANKS. I gave thanks to God for a life that was given and a life that was taken away peacefully. I thanked God for the time that my friend and his family had with his mother. I gave thanks for his mother being the woman that she was and the impact that she left on us still here on Earth.

See even in the midst of tragedy and not being able to understand certain things, we still have to give thanks. Every morning when I wake up to see another day, I give thanks to the Most High for even allowing me to be here. When my days at work are hard and my commute is long, I give thanks to the Most High for my job. When I get down and out about missing my mom, I give thanks to the Most High for my mom having the opportunity to birth me. Sometimes I forget though, I forget from whom my blessings come from. I get busy and forget to give thanks for life and life more abundantly. In ALL that we do, we should give thanks.

What are you thankful for right now? The 1st thing should be life. Next should be health and strength…not just physical health, but mental and emotional as well. It doesn’t matter if your health isn’t 100% in all areas, the fact that you even have a portion of it is enough to give thanks for. Family, friends, loved ones and even helpful strangers are also on the list. Jobs, sources of income, school and education are there too. EVERYTHING is SOMETHING to be thankful for, no matter how big or small. LIFE is something to be thankful, the fact that we are here is something to be thankful for. I know things aren’t always the best, but be thankful that they aren’t the worst either. Everyday is another opportunity to give thanks, right our wrongs and try to make things right. This life that we have isn’t promised to us forever, it isn’t even promised to us for tomorrow. Make the most out of every moment of every day and thank GOD for another opportunity to get it right.

Well, that’s all for me for today. As always, I hope that this has inspired, enlightened and encouraged someone. During this holiday season please take care of yourselves mentally and emotionally. I know many of my followers and readers connect with me on social media as well so if you ever need anyone to talk to, my DMs and email are open. This is an important time of the year to not let loneliness and/or depression set in. Get out and live life. And as always, please feel free to like, share and comment and even hit the follow button, I love the feedback you all give. Until next time, lots of cyber hugs and kisses. Remember, somebody out here loves you and so do I.

TiaraB.

Hey yall and Happy Wednesday!! Hope everyone is doing well tonight and if not then I hope it gets better. Tonight I’m going to talk about struggles, how they affect us and how we can overcome them so let’s get to it!!

Everybody struggles with something at some point in life. Whether it be financial problems, relationships with family, friends or significant others, school, body image or whatever…we all struggle sometimes. And though we all struggle, we all have different ways that we deal with them and how we overcome them. Some people deal with their struggles by using coping mechanisms such as alcohol and/ or drugs to mask their pain and forget about whatever they are going through. Others use therapy, or they turn to God and their faith to see them through.

But how do struggles affect us? For me, I know that I absolutely hate struggling with anything. Whether it’s something big or small, I hate having a hard time with anything. And because I think I’m Superwoman, I rarely admit my struggles or reach out to others for help. So I suffer through unnecessarily and it wears me out both physically and mentally. But guess what, I don’t have to be that way and neither do you!! It’s ok to admit when we are having a hard time with something or someone. It’s perfectly ok to even admit defeat sometimes. There is NO need to drive yourself crazy trying to do everything on your own…..let me repeat that for the people in the back including myself, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN. When you surround yourself with people that love and genuinely care about your well being, they will always be there to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Dealing with and overcoming our struggles can be difficult sometimes depending on what the particular struggle is. People who struggle with alcoholism and/or drug and other addictions may have a harder time overcoming than someone who may be struggling financially. But a struggle is a struggle and they can all be overcome. The 1st step to overcoming is admitting to whatever you are struggling with. For me, my biggest struggles normally come from things that I get myself into such as saying no to people, adding unnecessary stress to my life and not taking out time for myself. Normally these things are hard for me to admit to because I never want to say no to anyone. But because of that I neglect myself a lot and add a lot of pressure and extra stress on myself, But now that I admit it, I know to take the 2nd step to fix it which is to try and eliminate the factors that lead to your struggles. For me that’s meant eliminating some people out of my life because all they did was take and take and take everything that I offered as a whoever I was in their life but they never gave anything. No respect, no love, no positivity…no nothing. So eliminate those things. If you struggle with alcoholism for example, start eliminating the alcohol from your life. Don’t go to places where you know you will be tempted to drink. The 3rd step is to surround yourself with positive people who you trust and know what you are going through and are willing to help you. You are not in this world all alone no matter what you think or believe. Even if God is the only person in your life, surround yourself in Him and His love and let him in to help you overcome.

Life does not have to be a constant struggle. Truth be told, a lot of things that we struggle with we bring upon ourselves and they can be avoided. We can make life easier then what it is a lot of the time but as humans it’s in our nature to make things difficult sometimes, Whatever you are struggling with, give it to the Most High. Turn it over to God. I’ve done it before and could literally feel the weights being lifted off of my shoulders. The old song says Jesus can work it out. No truer words have ever been spoken. Struggling does not have to be a part of your life forever. Identify them, admit them, eliminate the factors contributing to them, pray about them and give them to God. Once you truly give them to God, no worries and no stress, just truly believe that he will handle them.

Well that’s it for me tonight, I hope that this can touch someone who is or has struggled and didn’t know how to handle it. I wish you all nothing but the best. Remember to INSPIRE, ENLIGHTEN, AND ENCOURAGE SOMEONE along your journey. And as usual feel free to comment and share with others. I LOVE hearing from yall and it motivates me to keep going. Remember somebody out there loves you and so do I. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses….

Peace and Blessing to you,

Tiara B.

I’m Baaaaccckkkk!!! Hey y’all and happy Wednesday!! I missed you guys on last week, but I had to take a little time to get my mind together. You all deserve the best of me so I had to get myself together to get back to it. Now let’s talk about happiness.

Happiness…what makes you happy?? Are you doing what makes you happy?? Are you making yourself happy?? Often times in our lives, the answer to these questions may seem like YES when it’s really NO. YES we are making others happy, but NO we aren’t making ourselves happy. YES we are doing good or even great thing but NO we aren’t happy doing them. And I think we are all guilty of letting others dictate our happiness at some point in our lives, whether it be family, friends, significant others or in some cases all 3. But what about YOU?? If you aren’t making yourself happy then how can anyone or anything else??

It has taken me 29 years to get to a truly happy place in my life. Graduating from college didn’t make me happy, getting my job didn’t make me happy and having someone special in my life didn’t make me happy either. Finally being at peace with myself has bought me happiness beyond measure, For most of my life, I have put other people and their feelings and happiness above my own. No one could be sad or disappointed on my watch. I had to make everyone’s day better and brighter. But me and my day….we were dark and gloomy. I was never satisfied, I was always searching for something. I never realized until 1 day my friend and also my therapist asked me, what makes Tiara happy?? Not what Tiara like to do, not my hobbies, not what I do for others…but what actually makes me happy??  And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t answer that question.

Happiness comes from within. Happiness comes from finding peace within your heart and your soul. Happiness is even when the world around you is falling apart, you still find yourself feeling an unexplainable peace. Sometimes it takes years to find that within ourselves. For me, I wasted years searching for happiness in people. I searched for MY very own happiness in boyfriends, family, friends and any other people in my life. Because I was unhappy with myself for different reasons, I found myself feeding off of others. I celebrated their wins while wishing they were my own, not realizing that I too was winning and just couldn’t see it.

It ultimately came down to craving peace in my life. While seeking that peace, I sought out my happiness as well. YES it meant that I had to step away from some friendships and relationships because I needed inner peace to be truly happy. I had to spend some deep time with myself, meditating and soul searching…finally getting to know myself. But baby when I did find it, I felt better than I had in years.

If you truly want to be happy, do what is necessary for you. Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Remove negative people from your life and remove yourself from negative situations. Allow yourself to be happy. Stop putting others 1st in your life, be all about you and make sure you are OK 1st (talking to myself too). Live your life for you and without any regrets. Life is extremely short and it is full of ups and downs. Take every chance that you get to do something that makes you feel good. Find what makes you happy in life, hold on to it and never let go, only add to it. Remember, only you can make yourself truly happy before anyone else ever can.

Well that’s it for this week. As usual please like, comment and share with others. Remember to inspire, enlighten  and encourage someone along your journey. Someone out here loves you and so do I. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses. Until next week….

Tiara B.

Hi everyone and Happy Wednesday!! So tonight we’re going to wrap up the Love Yourself Love series by learning to love, protect and take care of our souls or in other words, spiritual love. This 1 isn’t as deep as body and mind love but it’s just as important so let’s jump right in.

I’ll be the 1st to admit that my spirit and soul doesn’t get as much love from me as it should. Often times  I get so caught up in my day to day actions that I forget to take out time to truly cleanse my soul from all of the emotions that I deal with. Most days are good, happy days but there are also bad, hurtful days. Those are the days that I should seek God and his guidance and allow him to refill my soul once I am emptied by others, but I don’t always do that.

When I was a little girl I was taught the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. I went to church every Sunday and was taught to do so. I participated in every church activity and I honestly loved it. When I turned 16 I started working and would have to miss some Sundays but not too many and I still participated when and where I could. Then came that dark period in my early 20s where my spiritual life went astray. It started off as missing church on Sundays to catch up on sleep or washing clothes. Then before I knew it, I had become comfortable missing Sundays more than making them. I didn’t even feel bad or guilty anymore. And praying was more of a routine than being genuine.

That was a dark time in my life. Because of the depression that I was going through, my soul was empty and drained. And I didn’t care. I was not filling my soul with anything but negativity. And that was not good….at all. Just like a cup that spills when it is overfilled with water, so did my soul. I wasn’t going to church, wasn’t praying, wasn’t giving my soul any desire to be positive at all. And because I did this, I just made myself even more unhappy.

I was completely comfortable with living like this until I met a stranger in Starbucks 1 Friday night. I didn’t know this man from a can of paint but we had a long conversation, he shared his story and testimony with me and I shared my story with him. This man explained to me how important God was to our lives and how once upon a time he too had given up on God and the church until he hit rock bottom and that was the only thing that he had. Hearing that I was not the only person going through this was the wake up call I needed to get myself back in church and get on a spiritual journey.

My spiritual journey has not been easy. I could lie and say that I’m in church every Sunday and all is well in my soul but it isn’t. Yes, my prayer life has changed and I have seen God work in my life and the lives of people all around me. Do I go to church every Sunday?? Nope, matter of fact I haven’t been now in about a month. Do I have legit excuse for this?? Nope not really because even when I’m out of town there are plenty of churches that I can visit. Right now I consider myself to be on a journey of finding myself and what works for me. I pray and talk to God every morning when I wake up or on my way to work. I thank Him every morning and every night for letting me see another day. Does me not going to church often make me a bad person?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Because it’s not about what building you go to, it’s about what is in your heart and soul and what you believe.

Our souls are a part of our physical body and just like any other part of the body, if you do not feed it, it will not grow. You have to nourish your soul in order to grow as a person. So yes, I watch church services online, I listen to ministers and life coaches and I pray daily. I journal and I speak life and positivity over myself. I pray that I see the good in others and that they may also see the good in me. I still have a church family and church home, they may not see me as often as they would like but I love them just the same, I’m just on a journey to finding myself and my own way right now.

You must protect your soul as you would your body and your mind. Don’t let negativity into your soul and let it linger and grow there. Remove all negative thoughts from your mind before going to bed every night. Pray daily. Don’t just pray that same ole routine prayer, but have an actual genuine conversation with the Most High. Find yourself a spiritual following. Whether it be an online pastor, a life coach, a podcast or a TV ministry, find someone who can speak a word to you and over you. Don’t connect your soul with  1 that doesn’t connect with you. A lot of people don’t believe in having soul ties with every person that you are sexually intimate with. I personally don’t believe it BUT I do believe you have a soul tie with every person that you have allowed to come into your heart. See you can have sex with somebody and not have feelings for them at all whatsoever. However, once you start to have feelings for someone and become intimate with them, you have tied your soul with them. And baaaaabbbyyyyy those soul ties are HARD to break. Don’t allow anyone into your heart and soul who has not proven themselves to be worthy of it. And please believe I know its easier said than done, but you must protect your soul. It’s yours and yours only to protect, nourish and cherish.

Well that’s it for the Love Yourself Love series. I hope you all enjoyed it and you learned something from it. As usual please comment, like and share with someone. I couldn’t continue to do this without the support from you all!! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and as usual Inspire, Enlighten and Encourage someone. Lots of Cyber Hugs and Kisses. Remember someone out there loves you and so do I. Until next week……XOXOXO

Tiara B.

Hey yall and Happy Wednesday!! Welcome back to Young, Black and Beautiful!! Tonight we’re going to partake in part 2 of our 3 part series, Love Yourself Love. Part 2 is speaking on loving your mind. Tonight I’m going to share a part of my own personal mind struggles and share some tips with you all on how to love and care for yourself mentally, so let’s get to it.

I’ve always had my down moments, much like everyone else. But my down was a little different. My hurt was different. It stemmed from the guilt that I felt about my mom’s passing. My mom passed a week after I was born and it’s something that I’ve never truly gotten over to this day. This is the 1st time I’ve ever admitted that to anyone outside of therapy. So I tried to use different things to cover it up. I mostly used humor, I’m naturally corny and goofy. I’ve learned to laugh and make others laugh to mask my pain. But 1 thing about pain and depression, if left untreated they don’t go away.

The depression started around January 2014. I had just graduated from college and while I should have been on top of the world, I was at my absolute lowest. I didn’t want to get out of bed most days. It wasn’t because I was sleepy, it was because I didn’t see a reason to get up. I stopped hanging out and talking to my friends. Not because anyone had made me mad or done anything to offend me, I just didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore. I stopped going to church. Not because I didn’t believe in God anymore, but because I didn’t believe in myself. Once I graduated from college, I thought the job offers would pour in and it would be absolutely no problem getting a full time position. I had even started applying for jobs a month before graduation. But then the rejection letters and emails started pouring in. One after another after another. This is the part of college that no one talks about, how hard it can be to find employment post graduation.

I’ve never been 1 to deal with rejection well. In fact, its something that I absolutely HATE. Rejection has always made me feel that I was not good enough, whether I was qualified or not. So once the rejections started coming in, I got severely depressed. I was working odd and end jobs to pay the bills that I had and I felt like a complete failure. But being the Superwoman that I thought I was, I suffered in silence. Nobody knew what I was going through. On the outside I was still bubbly, smiling goofy Tiara but on the inside I was hollow and detached from everything. I honestly didn’t care about 1 day to the next because in my mind I had nothing to live for. Do you know how hard it is to be surrounded day in and day out by people but crying out for help isn’t an option?? Admitting that I was feeling things that I didn’t want to feel was not an option. I didn’t want to be labeled as “crazy” or looked at sideways or stereotyped as we as the black community so often are quick to do. So I did what many of us do, I continued to put on a front and cry when no one was watching.

August of 2014 I was still suffering from severe depression. I had just celebrated my 24th birthday and I honestly didn’t even want to celebrate my day. I went to dinner with 1 of my close friends and that was that. Still no one knew what I was going through and I planned to keep it that way. I had gotten a job cleaning offices in 2 warehouses and was a part time nanny. I was going back and forth to Birmingham applying for and taking tests for jobs but still had nothing. Then I had a health scare. I felt a knot in my left breast and an ultrasound showed a growing mass. All I could think was OK God, so this is how my story goes? Have I not suffered enough in my life? I ended up having surgery to have the mass removed and had to wait about 3 weeks for test results to come back to say if it was cancerous or not. All I could think during that time was I just graduated from college, I haven’t gotten a real job or gotten married and now this. My results came back and the mass was non-cancerous. I should have been happy and turning over a new leaf right?? WRONG!!

By January 2015 I still didn’t have a full time job, I was still cleaning the offices and I was just getting by. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I would get home from work at 9pm and stay up til 3 or 4am and only sleep about 4 or 5 hours. I would eat only once a day when I absolutely had to. I only prayed when I applied for jobs, I only went to church about 1 Sunday a month if that just for apparences. My friends all seemed to be living their best lives and I didn’t want to bother or burden them with my problems. So every time someone would ask me how I was, everything was just fine with a smile….all while still silently crying out for somebody to see that I wasn’t fine at all. I started my current job in April of 2015. That helped my depression a little bit because finally I was able to provide for myself and things were finally starting to turn around. But I still had other underlying issues.

I never fully dealt with my mother’s passing. Even though I never had the opportunity to meet my mother, she was still my mother. I used to envy all of my friends and the relationships they had with their moms and honestly I still do. My grandmother and aunts were great role models and my grandparent were the best parents that I could have ever asked for, my grandmother is still the best BUT there was still a void in my life. As a child, it didn’t really bother me but as I got older that void kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. That’s when I realized that this wasn’t something that I could just pray away, I needed some help to deal with this. That’s when I made the best decision that I could have ever made in my life, I started going to therapy.  A lot of people don’t believe in therapy….my bad, a lot of black people don’t believe in therapy. Especially how I was raised. Nobody in my family talked about struggling mentally or asked if you ever needed to talk about anything. Not because they didn’t care, but because it just wasn’t understood. But there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING THE HELP THAT YOU NEED.

I will be the 1st one to tell you, therapy probably saved my life. Had it not been for being able to talk to someone who understood me and my struggles and didn’t judge me, I don’t know where I would be today. Mental health struggles are REAL and never let anyone tell you that they aren’t. People are quick to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, just go to church and talk to the Lord about it. And there is nothing wrong with going to church and praying but nobody can tell you how to handle your issues. Depression, post-partum depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts….they are all very real. And you are not alone in this. Millions of people suffer from these issues and others daily. If you feel that you need help, please get it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There are trained professionals that are out there to listen to you and help you in anyway that they can. Listen, nobody else can tell you what’s going on in your mind. So don’t make decisions for your mind based on people who probably couldn’t care 1 way or the other if you were suffering or not. But not everyone wants to seek help and that’s understandable.

I’m going to give you some tips that I’ve learned that have helped me on my path of healing. 1. SPEAK POSITVITY OVER YOURSELF. Do daily affirmations of positive words and tell yourself that you can and will get through this.       2. MEDITATE AND SPEND SOME QUIET, ALONE TIME WITH YOURSELF. Often times we get so busy that we totally ignore ourselves. Take time out for yourself even if it’s only for a few minutes a day to just listen to your inside voice and become 1 with yourself.        3. LEARN TO LET OTHERS IN. You are not alone in this. Tell others when everything is not OK. I know it’s hard to admit our weaknesses sometimes, I struggle with this myself but surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you and allow them to help.   4. GET OUT AND GET SOME FRESH AIR. The days I stayed cooped up in the house were the worse. I would just lay in bed and have whoa is me days. DON’T DO THAT. Go outside and look around. Look at all of God’s precious creations and appreciate them and you.    5. LET GO OF NEGATIVITY. Whether it be family, friends, things, or feelings…let go of anything negative that is holding you back or holding you down. Negative beings are like boulders tied to you, they will weigh you down and eventually drown you. Rise above.   6. SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT. Just being able to vent to someone and have them help you can work wonders for your life. If you need the help, PLEASE give it a try.

Love yourself love, love your mind, body and soul. No one can love you like you can love you. I promise you that you are not alone and please don’t ever think that you are. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Drop me an email at tiarab.reads@gmail.com.  I’m not a pro by far, but I’m a pretty good listener. As usual, someone out here loves you and so do I.

Tons of cyber hugs and kisses…..until next time remember to inspire, enlighten and encourage someone.

XOXOXO, Tiara B.

Hey Yall and Happiest of Wednesdays to you!! So this evening I want to start part 1 of a 3 part series called Love Yourself Love. Pt.1 is going to touch on loving your body. So let’s jump right in. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life. I’ve always been what you would consider thick and not in the “she got booty and thighs for days” way. Well actually I do have thighs for days but yall get my point lol.

As a little girl, my mama had to shop for me in the girl’s plus section. Then it moved to the double digits as a pre-teen. Even with just a small pudge for a tummy in high school, I was still 1 of the bigger girls and because of that I picked up some pretty horrible eating habits. Teenager Tiara never really had an issue with her weight BUT college Tiara did. Most people say when you go to college you gain the “Freshman 15” HA!! Between my freshman year and senior year in college, I gained about 50 pounds!! And talk about someone in serious denial. It actually got to the point that every semester I would spend a portion on my refund check buying new jeans and shirts because I was outgrowing my old 1s so quickly but I was still in denial.

It wasn’t until after I graduated from college and dealt with a bout of depression that I began to realize that I was not only neglecting my mental and spiritual health, but my physical health also. And in realizing that, I also realized that I had developed horrible eating habits and a borderline eating disorder. I was only eating 1 meal per day thinking that if I basically cutback on my food intake, the weight would just fall off. WRONG!! I was actually gaining more weight because I was pretty much starving myself.  And by doing so I was NOT loving my body at all.

Some of my very good  friends from college started on fitness challenges and fitness journeys and encouraged me to join them. I joined a gym in Feb. 2016 and went from NEVER working out to working out 2 to 3 times a week. I also went from 1 HUGE unhealthy meal a day to 3 healthy ones and healthy snacks a day. My results were amazing. I was so proud to be able to finally feel confidence in myself. To stop hiding my body behind too big clothes and to start coming out of my shell. By Feb. 2017 my body was looking better and I was feeling the best that I had in years. So end of story right?? WRONG!!

Sometime around the Summer of 2017, I fell off the wagon cold turkey. I had a lot going on in my personal life as well as at work and I just stopped loving Tiara. Everything else came 1st before working out and I stopped going to the gym. It started as missing 1 day then it lead up to missing 1 week to 1 month. Next thing I knew, an entire year had passed by and I had yet to see the inside of the gym. I mean I was still paying my membership every month but driving right past it to go to Dairy Queen when I needed a pick me up blizzard. I let myself go so bad. I had cut all of my hair off, I stopped going to the nail shop and I started eating in and everything that I wanted. A slice of cake once a month became a slice of cake once a week. My friends and I had a girl’s trip to Jamaica planned for July and I would tell myself EVERY month that if I started that month I could lose X amount of pounds before our trip….never happened. I ate right and went walking twice for 1 month and lost about 10 pounds which was only water weight to begin with. But I didn’t care.

It wasn’t until I started ordering outfits for our trip that the blinders finally came off. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. How could the woman that had gone down a size go up a size in a half? And then it hit me….I STOPPED LOVING MYSELF. I stopped loving and taking care of the most precious gift that GOD has ever given me, my body. I stopped telling myself that I was beautiful. I stopped treating myself like the Queen that I am. I completely took advantage of my own self physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I shared my story with you all to say this….NEVER, EVER STOP LOVING YOURSELF. Your body is God’s gift to you. Love your body by taking care of it. Treat your body with the upmost respect. Be cautious and even picky about the things that you allow into your body whether it be by eating, through sex or even your mental consumption. You only get 1 physical body in this lifetime, cherish it. If you want to lose weight and begin a healthier lifestyle, it is NEVER too late to start. I’m starting all over again after a year’s hiatus but I’m excited about having another chance to show myself the love that I should have always shown it. ALWAYS treat your body better than you would want anyone else to. How can you expect anyone else to love your body if you don’t?? Self Love is not selfish love, it is just your personal love for your entire self. Your body truly is your temple. LOVE it and treat it well and it will do the same for you in return. There is nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercising NO matter what size you are. You do whatever you have to in order to LOVE YOURSELF LOVE.

Well that’s all for part 1. Thank you all for reading and please feel free to share and leave a comment, I love hearing from yall. As always, somebody out there loves you and so do I. Let’s continue to INSPIRE, ENLIGHTEN AND ENCOURAGE each other. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses……

Tiara B.

Hey y’all and welcome back!! Hope everyone is doing great and if not then I hope and pray things get better. So tonight I want to talk about being good enough. Often times we question whether we are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough…etc. I know firsthand how this feels because it’s something that I’ve struggled with my entire life. Growing up, I always wanted to be perfect. Have the perfect body and hair. Be the perfect friend and child. Even be the perfect student. But what I didn’t understand is that there is no perfect being that walks this Earth.

When things went wrong and I made even the smallest mistakes, I would panic and then the insecurities would set in.  How could I make a mistake and why was I not good enough? Why could I not be small enough to fit in the regular size clothes? Why could I not make a perfect 100 on my test? Why could I not be the best friend that everyone needs? And while on this quest for pure perfection, I didn’t realize that I was taking myself thru 1 hell of a fight inside.

While I strived so hard to be good enough in everyone else’s eyes, I kept beating myself up because the me as I am was not enough. Let me break it down, while I was trying to be Supergirl and Superwoman to the world, I was my own arch nemesis.  I dragged myself thru the ringer trying to be good enough for everyone else BUT I wasn’t good enough to my number 1, Tiara. Once I began to love myself more and more, I realized that how I came off to everyone else was not important, how I come off to myself and God are what matters most.

Even now I often times struggle with being seen as good enough. Even with my family and friends whom I’ve known my whole life. Even with my co-workers and clients. Even with perfect strangers, I worry will I be good enough in whatever capacity that I serve in their life. But guess what?? That’s perfectly normal and OK. It’s OK to want to put your best foot forward and make good impressions on people. It’s OK to have high expectations for yourself. It’s OK to want to be seen in a certain image. BUT it’s not OK to push yourself past your limits based on how others will perceive you.

You ARE good enough!! You ARE pretty enough!! You ARE smart enough!! You ARE enough!! As long as you see all these things in yourself, that’s ALL that matters. And if there are people in your life that do not appreciate you for the beautiful soul that you are, then they are not worthy to be in your life. Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me….ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH. I AM BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ANYONE AND IF I’M NOT THAN THEY AREN’T ENOUGH FOR ME!!

Alright, that’s it for me until next week. As always thanks for reading and remember to inspire, encourage, and enlighten someone as well as yourself!! Someone out there loves you and so do I. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses…

Tiara B.

Hey y’all!! So today wasn’t a good day…at all. 1st I spilled coffee all over my desk, I have heat rash on both my arms and can’t stop scratching, I couldn’t finish something that I’ve been working on for 2 weeks all because 1 person wasn’t cooperating and then I had a bad case of writer’s block….all of this before 9am. When I say I wanted to just give up and throw the WHOLE day away, that’s exactly what I mean!! I had the mindset during my hour commute this morning that it’s Wednesday, Hump Day which means Friday will be here before you know it. Football season is about to start and I got to listen to Bernice Jenkins’ Church Announcements before clocking in early this morning, life was going GREAT…..then BOOM!!

These may seem like small problems, nothing that some Clorox wipes, some shea butter and a few detailed emails with screenshots can’t solve and you’re absolutely right because that’s all it took. But for me these were frustrations that threw my whole day off because I’m an odd ball lol. EVERYTHING has to be going right for me to be able to function at 100%. So today I just wasn’t feeling it.  I wanted to call it quits about 100 times today but I didn’t.  In life, I’ve discovered that you CANNOT GIVE  UP when things get hard, you have to KEEP GOING. Life ain’t supposed to be easy, but the challenges are supposed to make us stronger. Giving up is NOT an option. Imagine if every time you ate an ice cream cone, you dropped some on your shirt. Would you give up ice cream? NO, HECK NO for me lol!! You would just eat that ice cream in a cup or find an old shirt to put on.

Life is not going to be easy. There are going to be ups and downs, wins and losses. How you handle those things is what matters. Life for me has been filled with losses, but I had to learn how to spin those losses into wins and lessons. That what it’s all about, wins and lessons learned. Actually I don’t even consider them losses anymore, they are valued lifelong lessons. You can’t just stop living because life has gotten hard. My mom passed a few days after I was born. That has always been the biggest loss in my life and YES I’ve always struggled with it, especially having guilt about it. It took me years to learn that I am among the living and my life has to go on. What better way to go on than to honor my mom and let her and her memories and legacy live on through me??

Some of you may be struggling because your body isn’t perfect, that’s 1 of my struggles too. Don’t give up on working out and a healthy lifestyle (shouting this 1 to myself). Some may be struggling with self confidence, girl look in that mirror and speak affirmations to yourself. You are BEAUTIFUL! You are IMPORTANT! You MATTER! You are ENOUGH! (runs to find my mirror). Whatever it is that has you wanting to give up, GET OVER IT! Climb over that self-doubt. Climb over that not perfect syndrome. Live your life for you and if you aren’t good enough for yourself, do what you have to do to become enough. NEVER NEVER NEVER, EVER EVER EVER  GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!! You are too beautiful and you have too much purpose in this life to give up. Keep pushing and fighting. You are going to fall, you may even fail but as Aaliyah said “If at 1st you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again”.

As always…encourage, inspire and enlighten others. Someone out there loves you and I do too. Until next week….. lots of cyber hugs and kisses,

Tiara B.

Hey Y’all and welcome back to Young, Black and Beautiful!! So today I want to encourage you to be your own #WCW. In today’s era of Social Media, most if not all women want to be the coveted Woman Crush Wednesday. Whether it be acknowledged by your boo, your crush, your favorite blogger or whomever, being someone’s #WCW is LIT!! But ask yourself this, are you your own #WCW material? Meaning, do you have a crush on yourself? Would you have a crush on yourself if you where someone else?

When you see your crush , what’s the 1st thing that draws you to them? For me, 1 of the 1st things I notice about a guy is the way that he carries himself. From the way he wears his clothes to his mannerisms, appearance is a biggie. Now ask yourself, how do you carry and present yourself to others? My mama and I’m sure most of yours too has always instilled in me that 1st impressions are how people remember you most. OK, let me break it down. Would a person still be your crush is they didn’t care about their appearance? Umm NO!! So in order to be your own #WCW, you must 1st be presentable to yourself before you can be presentable to others! Leave them bonnets and PJ pants at home, find you some clothes that flatter your shape and fit right and baby work it like you on a runway lol!! Look, I’ve always been a fluffy girl so I have struggled with body image and finding flattering clothes in my size for 29 years, but it can be done! I’m not saying that you have to wear heels and dresses everyday, shoot I barely wear them on Sundays. What I am saying though is that you have to be presentable when in public. Whether its sweatpants and a hoodie, jeans and a t-shirt, or your Sunday’s best, your attire and appearance are a direct reflection of you. You don’t have to keep up the latest fashions, hair do, nails, or makeup but you don’t have to always look like you just woke up and threw on the 1st thing you found either.  

Once you’ve taken care of your outward appearance, focus on yourself internally. Are you #WCW material on the inside? Do you treat yourself the way you would want your crush to treat you? Listen, I know for a 100% fact that NOBODY in this world is going to love and treat Tiara better than I can. And by loving myself, I mean physically, mentally and emotionally. I have learned that you have to love your mind, body and soul. Don’t we all want somebody to love, cherish and honor us? Whether it be our families, friends, significant others or whomever, we all want to feel the love. But do we give ourselves the love? Ladies, when we love…we love HARD. We are nurturers by nature, but do we nurture ourselves? I will be the 1st to admit that I haven’t always loved myself, and believe me…it showed. But once I learned that nobody was gonna love me like me, I got myself right on together. We also have to be mindful to not just love our physical bodies, but love your mind and spirit as well. Take care of yourself in all those areas and watch how much you grow and how much more beautiful you become. Once you start loving yourself, you will look and feel so much better.

There are so many attributes that can make a woman a #WCW candidate. And each woman is different. I may posses something that my best friend or co-worker doesn’t and vice versa but we are both equally beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you never make anyone else’s #WCW post as long as you are your own EVERY DAY. Babe, love yourself first. I know it sounds cliché and you maybe thinking that’s easy for me to say but trust me, I’ve been there. I was the chick that was just a real life zombie everyday and couldn’t even recognize myself in the mirror until 1 day I told myself I was beautiful. Others could say it and it meant nothing to me until I told myself. I’ve never had a #WCW post dedicated to me but today I dedicate mine to each and every one of you reading this. Sweetheart, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT. Be the beautiful woman that you want everyone to be able to see. Love and cherish yourself mind, body and soul. Treat yourself like you are your own crush and love on yourself daily. As always lots of cyber hugs and kisses. Somebody out here loves and cares for you and I do too. Until next week, empower, encourage and inspire yourself and others.

XOXOXO,

Tiara B.