Hi everyone and Happy Wednesday!! So tonight we’re going to wrap up the Love Yourself Love series by learning to love, protect and take care of our souls or in other words, spiritual love. This 1 isn’t as deep as body and mind love but it’s just as important so let’s jump right in.

I’ll be the 1st to admit that my spirit and soul doesn’t get as much love from me as it should. Often times  I get so caught up in my day to day actions that I forget to take out time to truly cleanse my soul from all of the emotions that I deal with. Most days are good, happy days but there are also bad, hurtful days. Those are the days that I should seek God and his guidance and allow him to refill my soul once I am emptied by others, but I don’t always do that.

When I was a little girl I was taught the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. I went to church every Sunday and was taught to do so. I participated in every church activity and I honestly loved it. When I turned 16 I started working and would have to miss some Sundays but not too many and I still participated when and where I could. Then came that dark period in my early 20s where my spiritual life went astray. It started off as missing church on Sundays to catch up on sleep or washing clothes. Then before I knew it, I had become comfortable missing Sundays more than making them. I didn’t even feel bad or guilty anymore. And praying was more of a routine than being genuine.

That was a dark time in my life. Because of the depression that I was going through, my soul was empty and drained. And I didn’t care. I was not filling my soul with anything but negativity. And that was not good….at all. Just like a cup that spills when it is overfilled with water, so did my soul. I wasn’t going to church, wasn’t praying, wasn’t giving my soul any desire to be positive at all. And because I did this, I just made myself even more unhappy.

I was completely comfortable with living like this until I met a stranger in Starbucks 1 Friday night. I didn’t know this man from a can of paint but we had a long conversation, he shared his story and testimony with me and I shared my story with him. This man explained to me how important God was to our lives and how once upon a time he too had given up on God and the church until he hit rock bottom and that was the only thing that he had. Hearing that I was not the only person going through this was the wake up call I needed to get myself back in church and get on a spiritual journey.

My spiritual journey has not been easy. I could lie and say that I’m in church every Sunday and all is well in my soul but it isn’t. Yes, my prayer life has changed and I have seen God work in my life and the lives of people all around me. Do I go to church every Sunday?? Nope, matter of fact I haven’t been now in about a month. Do I have legit excuse for this?? Nope not really because even when I’m out of town there are plenty of churches that I can visit. Right now I consider myself to be on a journey of finding myself and what works for me. I pray and talk to God every morning when I wake up or on my way to work. I thank Him every morning and every night for letting me see another day. Does me not going to church often make me a bad person?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Because it’s not about what building you go to, it’s about what is in your heart and soul and what you believe.

Our souls are a part of our physical body and just like any other part of the body, if you do not feed it, it will not grow. You have to nourish your soul in order to grow as a person. So yes, I watch church services online, I listen to ministers and life coaches and I pray daily. I journal and I speak life and positivity over myself. I pray that I see the good in others and that they may also see the good in me. I still have a church family and church home, they may not see me as often as they would like but I love them just the same, I’m just on a journey to finding myself and my own way right now.

You must protect your soul as you would your body and your mind. Don’t let negativity into your soul and let it linger and grow there. Remove all negative thoughts from your mind before going to bed every night. Pray daily. Don’t just pray that same ole routine prayer, but have an actual genuine conversation with the Most High. Find yourself a spiritual following. Whether it be an online pastor, a life coach, a podcast or a TV ministry, find someone who can speak a word to you and over you. Don’t connect your soul with  1 that doesn’t connect with you. A lot of people don’t believe in having soul ties with every person that you are sexually intimate with. I personally don’t believe it BUT I do believe you have a soul tie with every person that you have allowed to come into your heart. See you can have sex with somebody and not have feelings for them at all whatsoever. However, once you start to have feelings for someone and become intimate with them, you have tied your soul with them. And baaaaabbbyyyyy those soul ties are HARD to break. Don’t allow anyone into your heart and soul who has not proven themselves to be worthy of it. And please believe I know its easier said than done, but you must protect your soul. It’s yours and yours only to protect, nourish and cherish.

Well that’s it for the Love Yourself Love series. I hope you all enjoyed it and you learned something from it. As usual please comment, like and share with someone. I couldn’t continue to do this without the support from you all!! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and as usual Inspire, Enlighten and Encourage someone. Lots of Cyber Hugs and Kisses. Remember someone out there loves you and so do I. Until next week……XOXOXO

Tiara B.

Hey yall and Happy Wednesday!! Welcome back to Young, Black and Beautiful!! Tonight we’re going to partake in part 2 of our 3 part series, Love Yourself Love. Part 2 is speaking on loving your mind. Tonight I’m going to share a part of my own personal mind struggles and share some tips with you all on how to love and care for yourself mentally, so let’s get to it.

I’ve always had my down moments, much like everyone else. But my down was a little different. My hurt was different. It stemmed from the guilt that I felt about my mom’s passing. My mom passed a week after I was born and it’s something that I’ve never truly gotten over to this day. This is the 1st time I’ve ever admitted that to anyone outside of therapy. So I tried to use different things to cover it up. I mostly used humor, I’m naturally corny and goofy. I’ve learned to laugh and make others laugh to mask my pain. But 1 thing about pain and depression, if left untreated they don’t go away.

The depression started around January 2014. I had just graduated from college and while I should have been on top of the world, I was at my absolute lowest. I didn’t want to get out of bed most days. It wasn’t because I was sleepy, it was because I didn’t see a reason to get up. I stopped hanging out and talking to my friends. Not because anyone had made me mad or done anything to offend me, I just didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore. I stopped going to church. Not because I didn’t believe in God anymore, but because I didn’t believe in myself. Once I graduated from college, I thought the job offers would pour in and it would be absolutely no problem getting a full time position. I had even started applying for jobs a month before graduation. But then the rejection letters and emails started pouring in. One after another after another. This is the part of college that no one talks about, how hard it can be to find employment post graduation.

I’ve never been 1 to deal with rejection well. In fact, its something that I absolutely HATE. Rejection has always made me feel that I was not good enough, whether I was qualified or not. So once the rejections started coming in, I got severely depressed. I was working odd and end jobs to pay the bills that I had and I felt like a complete failure. But being the Superwoman that I thought I was, I suffered in silence. Nobody knew what I was going through. On the outside I was still bubbly, smiling goofy Tiara but on the inside I was hollow and detached from everything. I honestly didn’t care about 1 day to the next because in my mind I had nothing to live for. Do you know how hard it is to be surrounded day in and day out by people but crying out for help isn’t an option?? Admitting that I was feeling things that I didn’t want to feel was not an option. I didn’t want to be labeled as “crazy” or looked at sideways or stereotyped as we as the black community so often are quick to do. So I did what many of us do, I continued to put on a front and cry when no one was watching.

August of 2014 I was still suffering from severe depression. I had just celebrated my 24th birthday and I honestly didn’t even want to celebrate my day. I went to dinner with 1 of my close friends and that was that. Still no one knew what I was going through and I planned to keep it that way. I had gotten a job cleaning offices in 2 warehouses and was a part time nanny. I was going back and forth to Birmingham applying for and taking tests for jobs but still had nothing. Then I had a health scare. I felt a knot in my left breast and an ultrasound showed a growing mass. All I could think was OK God, so this is how my story goes? Have I not suffered enough in my life? I ended up having surgery to have the mass removed and had to wait about 3 weeks for test results to come back to say if it was cancerous or not. All I could think during that time was I just graduated from college, I haven’t gotten a real job or gotten married and now this. My results came back and the mass was non-cancerous. I should have been happy and turning over a new leaf right?? WRONG!!

By January 2015 I still didn’t have a full time job, I was still cleaning the offices and I was just getting by. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I would get home from work at 9pm and stay up til 3 or 4am and only sleep about 4 or 5 hours. I would eat only once a day when I absolutely had to. I only prayed when I applied for jobs, I only went to church about 1 Sunday a month if that just for apparences. My friends all seemed to be living their best lives and I didn’t want to bother or burden them with my problems. So every time someone would ask me how I was, everything was just fine with a smile….all while still silently crying out for somebody to see that I wasn’t fine at all. I started my current job in April of 2015. That helped my depression a little bit because finally I was able to provide for myself and things were finally starting to turn around. But I still had other underlying issues.

I never fully dealt with my mother’s passing. Even though I never had the opportunity to meet my mother, she was still my mother. I used to envy all of my friends and the relationships they had with their moms and honestly I still do. My grandmother and aunts were great role models and my grandparent were the best parents that I could have ever asked for, my grandmother is still the best BUT there was still a void in my life. As a child, it didn’t really bother me but as I got older that void kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. That’s when I realized that this wasn’t something that I could just pray away, I needed some help to deal with this. That’s when I made the best decision that I could have ever made in my life, I started going to therapy.  A lot of people don’t believe in therapy….my bad, a lot of black people don’t believe in therapy. Especially how I was raised. Nobody in my family talked about struggling mentally or asked if you ever needed to talk about anything. Not because they didn’t care, but because it just wasn’t understood. But there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING THE HELP THAT YOU NEED.

I will be the 1st one to tell you, therapy probably saved my life. Had it not been for being able to talk to someone who understood me and my struggles and didn’t judge me, I don’t know where I would be today. Mental health struggles are REAL and never let anyone tell you that they aren’t. People are quick to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, just go to church and talk to the Lord about it. And there is nothing wrong with going to church and praying but nobody can tell you how to handle your issues. Depression, post-partum depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts….they are all very real. And you are not alone in this. Millions of people suffer from these issues and others daily. If you feel that you need help, please get it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There are trained professionals that are out there to listen to you and help you in anyway that they can. Listen, nobody else can tell you what’s going on in your mind. So don’t make decisions for your mind based on people who probably couldn’t care 1 way or the other if you were suffering or not. But not everyone wants to seek help and that’s understandable.

I’m going to give you some tips that I’ve learned that have helped me on my path of healing. 1. SPEAK POSITVITY OVER YOURSELF. Do daily affirmations of positive words and tell yourself that you can and will get through this.       2. MEDITATE AND SPEND SOME QUIET, ALONE TIME WITH YOURSELF. Often times we get so busy that we totally ignore ourselves. Take time out for yourself even if it’s only for a few minutes a day to just listen to your inside voice and become 1 with yourself.        3. LEARN TO LET OTHERS IN. You are not alone in this. Tell others when everything is not OK. I know it’s hard to admit our weaknesses sometimes, I struggle with this myself but surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you and allow them to help.   4. GET OUT AND GET SOME FRESH AIR. The days I stayed cooped up in the house were the worse. I would just lay in bed and have whoa is me days. DON’T DO THAT. Go outside and look around. Look at all of God’s precious creations and appreciate them and you.    5. LET GO OF NEGATIVITY. Whether it be family, friends, things, or feelings…let go of anything negative that is holding you back or holding you down. Negative beings are like boulders tied to you, they will weigh you down and eventually drown you. Rise above.   6. SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT. Just being able to vent to someone and have them help you can work wonders for your life. If you need the help, PLEASE give it a try.

Love yourself love, love your mind, body and soul. No one can love you like you can love you. I promise you that you are not alone and please don’t ever think that you are. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Drop me an email at tiarab.reads@gmail.com.  I’m not a pro by far, but I’m a pretty good listener. As usual, someone out here loves you and so do I.

Tons of cyber hugs and kisses…..until next time remember to inspire, enlighten and encourage someone.

XOXOXO, Tiara B.

 

 

Hey Yall and Happiest of Wednesdays to you!! So this evening I want to start part 1 of a 3 part series called Love Yourself Love. Pt.1 is going to touch on loving your body. So let’s jump right in. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life. I’ve always been what you would consider thick and not in the “she got booty and thighs for days” way. Well actually I do have thighs for days but yall get my point lol.

As a little girl, my mama had to shop for me in the girl’s plus section. Then it moved to the double digits as a pre-teen. Even with just a small pudge for a tummy in high school, I was still 1 of the bigger girls and because of that I picked up some pretty horrible eating habits. Teenager Tiara never really had an issue with her weight BUT college Tiara did. Most people say when you go to college you gain the “Freshman 15” HA!! Between my freshman year and senior year in college, I gained about 50 pounds!! And talk about someone in serious denial. It actually got to the point that every semester I would spend a portion on my refund check buying new jeans and shirts because I was outgrowing my old 1s so quickly but I was still in denial.

It wasn’t until after I graduated from college and dealt with a bout of depression that I began to realize that I was not only neglecting my mental and spiritual health, but my physical health also. And in realizing that, I also realized that I had developed horrible eating habits and a borderline eating disorder. I was only eating 1 meal per day thinking that if I basically cutback on my food intake, the weight would just fall off. WRONG!! I was actually gaining more weight because I was pretty much starving myself.  And by doing so I was NOT loving my body at all.

Some of my very good  friends from college started on fitness challenges and fitness journeys and encouraged me to join them. I joined a gym in Feb. 2016 and went from NEVER working out to working out 2 to 3 times a week. I also went from 1 HUGE unhealthy meal a day to 3 healthy ones and healthy snacks a day. My results were amazing. I was so proud to be able to finally feel confidence in myself. To stop hiding my body behind too big clothes and to start coming out of my shell. By Feb. 2017 my body was looking better and I was feeling the best that I had in years. So end of story right?? WRONG!!

Sometime around the Summer of 2017, I fell off the wagon cold turkey. I had a lot going on in my personal life as well as at work and I just stopped loving Tiara. Everything else came 1st before working out and I stopped going to the gym. It started as missing 1 day then it lead up to missing 1 week to 1 month. Next thing I knew, an entire year had passed by and I had yet to see the inside of the gym. I mean I was still paying my membership every month but driving right past it to go to Dairy Queen when I needed a pick me up blizzard. I let myself go so bad. I had cut all of my hair off, I stopped going to the nail shop and I started eating in and everything that I wanted. A slice of cake once a month became a slice of cake once a week. My friends and I had a girl’s trip to Jamaica planned for July and I would tell myself EVERY month that if I started that month I could lose X amount of pounds before our trip….never happened. I ate right and went walking twice for 1 month and lost about 10 pounds which was only water weight to begin with. But I didn’t care.

It wasn’t until I started ordering outfits for our trip that the blinders finally came off. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. How could the woman that had gone down a size go up a size in a half? And then it hit me….I STOPPED LOVING MYSELF. I stopped loving and taking care of the most precious gift that GOD has ever given me, my body. I stopped telling myself that I was beautiful. I stopped treating myself like the Queen that I am. I completely took advantage of my own self physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I shared my story with you all to say this….NEVER, EVER STOP LOVING YOURSELF. Your body is God’s gift to you. Love your body by taking care of it. Treat your body with the upmost respect. Be cautious and even picky about the things that you allow into your body whether it be by eating, through sex or even your mental consumption. You only get 1 physical body in this lifetime, cherish it. If you want to lose weight and begin a healthier lifestyle, it is NEVER too late to start. I’m starting all over again after a year’s hiatus but I’m excited about having another chance to show myself the love that I should have always shown it. ALWAYS treat your body better than you would want anyone else to. How can you expect anyone else to love your body if you don’t?? Self Love is not selfish love, it is just your personal love for your entire self. Your body truly is your temple. LOVE it and treat it well and it will do the same for you in return. There is nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercising NO matter what size you are. You do whatever you have to in order to LOVE YOURSELF LOVE.

Well that’s all for part 1. Thank you all for reading and please feel free to share and leave a comment, I love hearing from yall. As always, somebody out there loves you and so do I. Let’s continue to INSPIRE, ENLIGHTEN AND ENCOURAGE each other. Lots of cyber hugs and kisses……

Tiara B.